He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My vagina just recognized that song.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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