i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
