I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
