well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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