What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
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