Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
