just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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