So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
