If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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