I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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