a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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