We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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