This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
pray to the hookup gods
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize