your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
