is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
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