you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize