He is such a slut. More and more my type.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
