Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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