Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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