That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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