I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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