I smell stomach acid.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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