david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
