I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
