WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize