So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
