I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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