The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
