i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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