the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize