she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
