When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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