alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
