Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize