I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I deserve this hangover.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
