I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
