You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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