Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
