The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
