so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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