Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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