she kept yelling 'call me bella'
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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