oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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