i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
