I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
