brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
