she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
