when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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