Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
