There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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