we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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