Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
