We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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