I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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