White coat. Heels.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
pray to the hookup gods
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
