he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
