I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
