NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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