My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
