This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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