oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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