Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
