In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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