Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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