I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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