Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
